Fear: Unhelpful or Helpful?

The second track on the ‘Warriors’ E.P is called ‘Love’. I wrote it about a relationship but have since been singing it about all kinds of love. It could be a passion, a job, a way of life that we desire, but we are scared to take the leap. The empowerment message behind this one is feel the fear and do it anyway.

Fear comes in many different forms, sometimes it's hard to tell where its coming from. Is it our intuition telling us this is not our path, fight or flight telling us to be safe, our own voice from an experience we've had, or someone else’s voice from an experience they've had and rubbed off on us? And what do we do about it when the feeling comes up?

I have found it hard to separate intuition from fear in the past, and on a similar subject to my talk on ‘how to find belonging’, it comes down to times when we've ignored our intuition and that voice has been silenced.

What other voices have we taken in? A parent or a friend may have smothered us with their own fears at a time when we weren't tuned into our own. If we had been, we may not have come with these fears ourselves. It depends on how good we are at putting up healthy boundaries and therefor seeing the difference between our own thoughts and someone else projections.

I believe there are two ways of living life. We can live in constant fear of moving forward and never take any steps to because we are scared of an outcome we can not see or control, so we don't push for what we want. In this version of living, life unfortunately controls us, and we become stagnant and therefor unhappy. We need to be constantly growing to feel fulfilled.

“If you are not growing, you are dying” — Tony Robbins

In scenario two, we embrace fear, see it as a positive and exciting feeling and jump into whatever it is we want to do next with open arms. We think about the consequences, so we aren't completely ignorant, but we accept that we can not control the outcome. We hope for the best.

“Whatever we resist persists” — Carl Jung

This Carl Jung quote can be applied to many different situations. In general the energy that we put into life, we get back. If we feel and act hopeless and make no steps forward, we will lack in opportunities, growth and happiness. If we can feel excited about what makes us scared and move towards it, we will attract more of these opportune moments.

Even if when we jump it goes terribly, there is always a lesson in there to learn for next time. The biggest companies have many failure stories where they learned from their downfalls and persisted, achieving great successes. ‘How to fail’ With Elizabeth Day is a great podcast for hearing these sorts stories to inspire you.

The difference between a helpful and unhelpful fear: is there any danger involved?

. Write down your fear.

. Make a list of pros and cons.

. Review this list and ask yourself, is there any danger involved?

If the answer is ‘no’, tune in to that tingling sensation that’s telling you your life could change for the better, get excited and jump with the wind baby!!

You can listen to ‘Love’, and the whole Warriors EP below!

You can own the EP by paying what you want for it on band camp below.

Happy jumping!

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Photo by Gili Dalies

What Would Someone Who Loved Themselves Do?

Learning from our mistakes is what we are on this earth to do. Without learning from the mistakes we make we do not grow into stronger, more mature and all round better human beings. We will all have that one event in life that was our hardest moment to get through, but that has brought us out of our inconspicuous and invisible shells that have kept us held down for so long.

Some may think it unfortunate to be self aware, because seeing and feeling everything more acutely can be painful, but it also gives us clarity and reverence towards each situation, which in itself helps us to realise and transform faster than would be possible without awareness.

This song was written about a relationship that ended years ago, but since performing it the meaning for me has stayed relevant to so many varied situations. Lessons never just come up once. They continue to come back, perhaps disguised as different figures, until we can eventually understand the root of the issue and take action to change our reactions to the ongoing triggers.

Since I have been singing this song on repeat for the last few months, I was reminded of one thing I heard years ago that helped me;

‘What would someone who loved themselves do?’

Disrespecting oneself can come in so many forms. Under appreciating ourselves for the talents we have, the positive effect we have on others, our importance and our uniqueness in the world, seem to be things a lot of people struggle with.

When faced with a tricky situation ask yourself ‘what would someone who loved and respected themselves do?’ This gives us time to think, take a deep breath and come into our bodies to really listen to our intuition. Most of the time when we are disrespecting ourselves it is because we are acting out of fear. When we take a second to think we give ourselves the option to make a choice instead of acting on autopilot.

One of my downfalls is that I go for men who aren't ready for relationships, and I find it hard to give breathing space. Even when they tell me what they want I ignore it and try to reverse it, only to cause myself more pain. I feel the fear of abandonment when someone doesn't text me back for a few days, when someone leaves a party first, I take it as a personal attack and want to make myself feel secure by making everything seem ok again. It totally destabalises me and turns me into someone that I am not, a needy, clingy wreck. Luckily, I have learnt enough now to hide those unstable emotions from new people, but its still an exhausting whirlwind of panic inside my body and mind. A couple of times my legs have been walking somewhere that I know I don't want to go, but I feel like nothing in the world can stop me.

I discovered the root of this is that my mum went back to work sooner than I would have liked when I was a baby, which causes me to panic when people leave my life, or even just need some space. It is irrational, but these things always are, and everybody has one! I have found we can gather more understanding when we pinpoint the root cause. These things become habits the longer we spend allowing them to take us over, but we are in control.

Next time you are unsure, take yourself to the toilet, for a walk and ask yourself outloud, ‘what would someone who loved themselves do?’ You will know the answer, and then put that into action.

We can read a million self help books and speak a million mantras and affirmations telling us that we’re amazing and that we love ourselves, but we must match them with action otherwise we are an empty echo in a cold tunnel. We must embody, and practice what we preach.

Needless to mention, that when we respect and love ourselves, we have an environment of people who love and respect us back, as that is what we demand by being strong within ourselves. You are worth preserving, you have something to offer, only give your energy to something that is worth your time, something or someone that you know respects you in the way that you deserve.

To listen to the song this blog post is written about, click on ‘Music’ and see the ‘Warriors’ E.P. You can also find it on iTunes, Spotify, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to your tunes!


Lessons To Make Daily Life Easier (Part 2)

Check in with yourself daily to stay balanced 🔍

Check up on yourself. We go through mini traumas every day that seem like nothing but if we ignore, will build up and form bigger and more painful trauma. Checking in on yourself on a regular basis allows us to adjust any tiny increments needed to change the way in which we are moving forward, ensuring we don't stray too far from where we feel comfortable. A 5 minute check in each day can help you to understand patterns you may have subconsciously created and avoid a blind breakdown later. 

In this talk called ‘Find Belonging & Stay In Control’ I present an exercise that helped me do this called ‘the feeling diary’.

Acknowledge all emotional turmoil 😡😢😔

Because we can not see or physically feel emotional and mental stress its a lot easier for us to ignore what we've been through and carry on with busy life as usual. I have noticed friends and family including myself go through immensely trying emotional situations only to be straight back to work the next day. If that works for you, great! But mostly it ends with frustration that work is not getting completed fast enough/things aren't as they usually are, or sometimes with illness. It’s like the emotional struggle been completely forgotten.

Just like a 12 hour shift exhausts our brain or body, emotional turmoil, whether it be a break up lasting 3 months or a relative dying, takes a great deal of energy from us. It is important to acknowledge this and give ourselves recovery time where we can, and kick in the self care just as if we were caring for a friend. 

Peoples reactions are not about you

I tend to take things personally so this was a big one for me, but an absolute eye opener when you apply it to every day life. However badly someone responds to emotional confusion, you may have triggered the reaction but the way they are responding is a deeper reflection on how they feel about themselves, which will mirror how they deal with their situations. It doesn't mean they hate you, they just have a different way of dealing with things. Everyone is different and we cant expect people to respond the same as we would, so try not to take it personally.

Societal pressure is not real - don't give in to it 👩‍👩‍👧‍👦

People who post their whole life on Facebook are most likely unhappy or at least trying to prove something. People who post perfect bodies on instagram either don't eat or waste whole days posing for the right photo. If people marry or have kids before you, great for them! But we are all living a different journey, and just because its right for them right now doesn't mean you should feel sad or go out of your way to look for what they have at this time. Getting jealous is a waste of our golden energy! If someone has a life you want, use that energy to succeed in the way that you want for you. Follow your passions and fulfil your own goals, become your best self and the right person will appear in your life to support you in the way that you need, rather than finding someone to complete you when you are an incomplete version of yourself. 


Lessons To Make Daily Life Easier (Part 1)

Self-help is a fast growing subject, we are learning that fixing ourselves is possible and that loving ourselves is necessary to becoming whole, fulfilled and balanced beings. Not all transformation comes in the form of an epiphany and happens over night or whilst washing our hair in the shower. Most lasting change happens in small increments through changing daily habits or learning a lesson three times over when it hasn't quite sunk in enough to warrant moving forward.

I am constantly looking for ways in which to better myself and through self analysis I have compiled a list of life lessons that once realised made living life a breeze; 

No action is worse than action 🔨

Being aware of necessary action in any sized situation and choosing to avoid taking it, to ‘let life happen to us’ as it were, is an indication of having weak self values. I knew what I needed to do but I avoided doing it even though I knew I was keeping myself in a worse position, because I didn't respect or value myself enough to admit this wasn't right for me. When I did stand up for myself, I felt free and wondered why I hadn't done it before. Valuing ourselves shouldn't have to be a big confrontation, just let people know how you feel and there is no need for resentment. Treat others with love but don't accept anything less from others towards you.

Your emotions are important, but they do not define you 😭

We can notice and deal with our emotions without getting caught up in the whirlwind that is our emotional body. I always find the phrase ‘I am..’ rather than ‘I am feeling’ interesting when it comes to expressing emotions. ‘I am’ are defining words that diminish everything else that we are in that same moment that we are experiencing a certain emotion.

Practicing detaching from emotions through objective viewing and meditation has allowed me to understand that we are nothing until we decide that we are, especially once we say it out loud. Our brains listen to everything! Noting any reoccurring emotions that may come up for us is also a good indictor of any unhelpful belief patterns we have going on within.

When something feels odd, ask what need is being fulfilled ? 😕

‘Staying present’ to me means listening to intuition when it comes up and noticing when I am saying or doing things without thinking. Does what I am saying have meaning, is it true to me? Does me agreeing to something have an ulterior motive or would I usually do this? 

People say that when love comes along you just know, and its the same with intuition. If your doing something out of alignment you will know because your intuition will go off like a bell and you will feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Now's the time to ask - why am I in this situation? What has led me here? What need am I meeting by doing this thing that does not serve me? Once the question is answered you can understand that there are more suitable options that fulfil more of your needs in a healthy way and move on.

You can trick your body into healing itself 👼

People tend to ignore methods that sound too simple, because they seem to obvious to possibly work. I went for a run and got crippling menstrual cramps, I had to crawl on the grass (it was 6am and no one was around luckily! ha.) I remembered something I had learnt about saying words outloud to trick your brain and body into acting differently. So I sang a song about feeling amazing and having no pain and 5 minutes later I was walking again. I have used this countless times since and it always works. Never underestimate the power of simplicity! 

Live through your own passions and people will appreciate and be inspired by you 🙇💁

Take time in deciding your life direction, it is your life and you should really feel connected to everything that you do. Our daily habits and chores take up about 20% of our lives, so it is important that you are living through your own passions and no one else passions or expectations. Each passion, whether its painting mugs, cliff jumping or pursuing a career in app development, will give you a high that can only be experienced that way. Once you live through your passions, you will attract people and opportunities more suited to you. People love someone to talk about or partake in something that they are passionate about, because it inspires them to do the same! Just do you, and the rest will come.


Take Back Your Control

Always being in complete control is an illusion. As good old Ronan Keating so accurately put it “life is a Roller Coaster”, meaning life goes up and down, we have good and bad times. If we were constantly in control, we wouldn’t feel the bumps of the ride, and without these bumps we would not grow. In this new age of wellbeing and self-care I believe we are all searching for balance. Enlightenment, zen, self love whatever you call it, it’s the belief that somehow we can feel secure and a constant sense of contentment even when things go wrong. As humans naturally do, we are protecting ourselves.

The two most common mental health problems in today’s society, anxiety and depression, are prime examples of control loss. We can let things get on top of us, instead of being the instigator in our own life story. All anxiety is set in the future, and depression in the past. We might be anxious that something terrible may happen, or get into a rut of replaying terrible things that have already happened. If you tend to put others needs before your own, you will also relate to this feeling of losing control. Whether we are giving away our power and strength to our own negative thoughts, memories or to someone else, we experience a lack of control.

To gain control, we must try to avoid living life in victim mode. So I have put together some tips to get you the hell out!

1. Find what you can change

The first step is to build on our ‘outside awareness’. Try to view a situation that is making you uncomfortable from an outsiders perspective and judge whether there is anything that you can do to alter the situation.  If you find there is absolutely no action you can take, let it go. For example, if your anxieties lie with someone being sick in front of you, you can decide to turn away when it happens, but you can’t control that it will happen, because we cannot control other people’s actions. Similarly, if you are scared of a tidal wave uplifting your house and taking away your loved ones, you can move far away from the sea, but you can not control the weather. Viewing what we are able to change in the situation and acting on it puts us back in control.

There is always an action to take to reclaim your power, whether it’s changing our surroundings or letting go and moving on. Holding onto a worry and failing to take action is only hurting you. Find a way to let it go.

2. Be Honest

A big lesson I have learnt recently is how important it is to listen to yourself, respect your own feelings, and to honour them by being honest with the people in your life and with yourself. Most people walk around with some form of mask covering their real face, because they are scared of judgment, or of letting their true selves show. 

I recently felt confused about where I stood in a situation, and where I usually would have avoided confrontation for fear of being rejected, I stood up for myself and told the truth. As a contrast to waiting for something to happen to me, I asked myself how I could regain the power and the answer was closure. To my surprise, being honest inspired equal honesty from the other person and I received an answer I never expected.    

In a similar situation, whether its an answer you want or don’t, any answer will give you the freedom to move on in whatever direction you chose, putting you back in control.

“Don’t wait for things to happen, make them happen”Roy Bennett

3. Believe and Take Action

We can all get stuck in routine and crave certainty. Even though this might make us feel in control for a while, we will eventually start to lose ourselves giving us a new loss of direction. I’m sure you’ve met one of those people with a job they adore, a partner who seems flawless and every day they do something new and exciting that makes you feel envious wishing you had their life. Well, you can! They only thing separating us from the perfect life is trust and self-belief, both of which are totally within our reach.

Last April I organised and hosted an event I had planned 4 years prior. I kept putting it off because I wasn’t qualified enough, or didn’t have the skills, but one day I decided I had nothing to lose. I arranged meetings with high-class event planners and people in creative fields, and soon learnt that no one is ever ready to start something new, you have to jump in and learn along the way. My event was a sell out success and the whole experience exceeded all my expectations. I know now that we can achieve anything we set our minds to, we just have to take action with believe and trust that everything will come together as it should.

We all fall into these patterns of inaction for various reasons, the main one being a lack of self-belief. Once we learn we can align ourselves with our best lives through the actions we make, we are all winning. Instead of waiting for exterior change which may never happen, let's take life into our own hands and live it exactly how we want to.

“You can fail at what you don’t want so you may as well take a chance at doing what you love” Jim Carey

4. Do something that makes you happy

When we feel out of control whatever the issue, we feel a lack of self. Remind yourself of who are by doing something you love. Whether it’s a walk in nature, a drink with a friend, starting a new project, or even just making dinner, find something that connects you back to yourself and this will rejuvenate your confidence, allowing you to gain control.

Staying balanced is like moving up and down a see saw. It involves constantly taking actions to uproot you from feeling stagnant or lost, and staying still enough to evaluate how you're feeling and what your body needs from you most at the time. Balancing life is a game we all play every day, it is impossible to always feel balanced but we can learn to adapt to change. Building up our mental strength will give us a sense of control through our actions and emotions, giving us belief in ourselves.

"Change is the only constant" - Heraclitus

Remember, the only thing holding you back is you.


4 Ways to Overcome Over-thinking

Having been an A class over-thinker for at least 10 years, I am surprised to say this is the first time I have researched the causes behind the habit. What I have discovered is that over-thinking is a very common problem.

A classic over-thinker will have a lack of confidence, will routinely doubt themselves, and be a constant worrier of new and unknown things. They will also struggle to relax and/or sleep, and tend to over extend themselves in order for everything they take part in to be perfect.

If you experience common ground with any of these causes, you are not alone. In my opinion all of these fall under the bracket of the first; a lack in confidence. The reason we worry and over-think, is because we don’t trust ourselves to make the right decisions, and we doubt our own ability.

Q: Why do we doubt our ability?

A: We haven’t put ourselves out there, and we don’t know what we are capable of.

Q: Why haven’t we put ourselves out there yet?

A: Because we want to be perfect.

Q: Why do we feel pressure to be perfect?

This answer has to come from you, it may be societal, from a parent or an environment you have placed yourself into. Wherever it originated from it has caused you to come to a false conclusion about yourself.  In a book I read called ‘Overcoming Low Self-Esteem’, Dr. Melanie Fennel refers to this misconception as ‘The Bottom Line’. The ‘Rules for Living’ help you to deal with ‘The Bottom Line’ that you have created for yourself, known more commonly as a limiting belief. Here are some examples.

I think what we can understand from this chart, is that our ‘Bottom Line’ can limit us from relaxing into situations and feeling free enough to jump.

The truth is, we can do anything we set our minds to, and we get there by making mistakes. No one is perfect, no exceptions! We must trust ourselves enough to jump, enough to make mistakes so that we can find that level of perfection we strive for, in a healthy and controlled manner. With this in mind, here are four things that have helped me.

1.    Remind yourself, “Its OK”

We are always where we need to be. My friend used to say this to me, and my thoughts were ‘I don’t want to be here, what does this say about me and my achievement?’ And you know where it goes after that! Now I can see she is right.

Even if you are not pleased with where you are currently, it doesn’t mean where you are is not important. For example, if you get ill, this doesn’t mean you are weak, your body just begs for a rest from all the hard work you have been doing, and needs to prepare for what comes next. Putting all your energy into trying to escape illness will only make it worse, as this is where you need to be right now.

I always used to beat myself up for coming home too late, or early (!) after a night out, so much that I wouldn’t be able to sleep for over-thinking. One night I came home and I sat in my bed, and out loud I said, “It’s ok, everything is happening as it should.” As soon as I felt I had accepted where I was, I fell straight to sleep, and haven’t had this problem since.

We need to accept life and ourselves as we are, and try to lower our expectations.

2. Power Stances (TED talk)

I advise watching this whole talk, but if you are in a rush, the high power poses are explained from 10 minutes, 32 seconds.

I suffer from extreme stage fright, and tried this for the first time last week. Just before going on stage, I went into the toilets and practiced the power poses. I said with these poses “I am confident”, “I am a good performer”, and “I am enough”. The gig went well, and I honestly felt for the first time, I could take whatever was thrown at me. Even though I had the usual voice telling me “you screwed up” or “you forgot the lyrics”, I was able to control it and actually have fun on stage.

I highly recommend this before attempting anything that makes you feel anxious, even if you feel stupid doing it. Repeat it as many times as you need and I promise, you will reap the benefits!

3. Fact or Fiction?

Simple. When you find yourself in a place of over-thinking/anxiety, before reacting, remind yourself of the events that have truly happened, and the ones that have been warped from facts. Only react and solve if you can, the facts. Over-thinking can transport us to other lands of panic, but in order to avoid overreactions, we must try and stay grounded in this one.

4. Mindfulness

From what I understand Mindfulness is about learning to be present in the moment. Being present means being aware of all of your senses, what your body is doing, and having no distractions. Nowadays we cant walk in the street without seeing more than three-quarters of pedestrians on their phones, or listening to music. Mindfulness is about enjoying the present moment, even if you’re doing something your not ecstatic about, like washing up. 

I know it sounds boring, but this is the sort of mind control that helps to eliminate our over-thinking and worries, by learning to accept and enjoy things for how they are, and really tuning into what we spend our time on.

Over-thinking is a distraction from living our lives, because we focus our attention on something other than the present moment. The more we can be present with our actions day to day, the more we will be grateful for what we have and where we are. The more we accept where we are now, the more likely we are to move forward.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, which is why we call it the present.” – Bil Keane




Respect, Just a Little Bit

Self-awareness and love has popularised, through activities such as yoga and meditation to maintain wellbeing. Within the title of 'self love' there are many subtitles, of which respect is one. 

Respect comes in many forms, and lack of it is the cause of many day-to-day problems. When we are younger we are told to respect our elders, our family and teachers, by listening to them, respecting their knowledge and essentially following their rules. Aretha Franklin famously asks for ‘just a little respect’ in return for all her hard work in her relationship. And I am sure everyone has heard they should ‘treat people the way they want to be treated in return.’  I can happily say that all of these things have taught me something about respect, but none relating to respecting myself. In fact, up until very recently I hadn't realised how much of an underlying issue it can be in many of our situations.

As I have experienced first hand, respecting or disrespecting yourself can totally shape the environment around you. As we all know, a positive or negative environment can alter who we are, how we act, how we feel, and our overall happiness and wellbeing.

My experience with disrespect created for me an environment full of people with a lack of respect for me. At the time, I blamed them, thinking “I am doing so much for them and yet they still treat me like this”. Since gaining control, I have learnt we make the conscious decision of how much energy to give to a person or a situation, and therefor it is no ones fault but our own if we give too much.

In my opinion, in order to respect yourself you only need to do two things;

1. Learn to accept people for who they really are

I think most of us can agree that one time or another, we have been frustrated that someone didn't act the way we wanted them to. If someone wants to change a part of themselves, and you can see it in their actions as well as their words, there is no harm in giving a helping hand, because the likelihood is they will notice, be grateful and the energy share will be equal. 

However, if what you give is not reciprocated, is it worth giving away all your energy, leaving you so tired that you have none left for yourself? What is it that you want from this person? Is it love, respect, or feeling secure? Most of the time the things that we seek from others, are the exact things we neglect to give ourselves. If you kept a bit more of your energy to work on whatever that may be for you, in order make yourself whole, you will realise that you don't need anyone else to make you happy.

Even though I have learnt this lesson, I am constantly pulling myself out of situations and giving myself reminders. We like to be in control, but the only thing we can control is ourselves.

‘Consider how hard it is to change yourself, and you'll understand what little change you have in trying to change others’ - Jacob M. Braude

2. Put yourself first

Too often have I experienced that feeling of guilt when leaving a party to get a good nights sleep, or not speaking up when feeling uncomfortable for fear of how people might think or feel, and putting other peoples needs before my own. 

Since then I have learnt this truth - we are all selfish. How often have your friends told you not to leave a party, and then when you do, not really noticed that you've gone? Or if you stay, not really spent much time with you anyway? And who does that really affect in the end? No one else but you. If you aren't comfortable speaking your mind in front of people you hang around with, are they worth hanging around with? Next time you feel uncomfortable about anything, speak up! If someone has a problem with how you feel, that’s his or her problem. You shouldn't change how you feel to make other people comfortable, because not being your true self only affects you. 

Putting yourself and your needs first means to look after yourself, and if you don't look after yourself, who will? From my experience of growth towards self-love, I am very aware of how being honest and comfortable in my own skin rubs off on the people I socialise with. People see happiness and they want in, you never know who you will inspire!

‘When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself’ - Paulo Coehlo

Each decision that we make takes us down a different path. Even though something may look like it can only have one consequence, if this direction makes you uncomfortable, fearful or at all inferior, what’s the harm in making a new decision? The consequence may surprise you, and you will feel like you've regained your power by respecting yourself. 

Deep down, you know what you deserve and what is right for you. Listen to your body and honour it by loving and respecting yourself. Tell me, what have you got to lose? 

Keeping it together in a frantic world

Situations come up for all of us that throw us off course. Whether it’s a close friends problem or your own, a family, relationship, or work problem, when things mean a lot to us and something backfires, its bound to knock us sideways.

When I used to complain as a typical teenager, my mum would reply with “life is not always smooth sailing”, backed up with my dad’s favourite quote from Dolly Parton, “if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain”. Needless to say no matter what philosophical words are thrown at us, we can never be fully prepared for what is around the corner. In a world so frantic and ever changing, there is only one thing that will stay the same, and that’s you.

For years I have been asking myself this question - how do we stay whole in such a frantic world?

In my journey so far of learning, growing, falling apart and fixing myself back together, I have discovered a few things that have helped me to keep my cool when things aren’t going to plan.

1. Being aware and taking responsibility for your feelings

We control how we feel; it is as simple as that. It’s easy for us to blame situations or other people for making us feel lonely, anxious, angry, or hurt. But the truth is – taking responsibility for your own feelings puts you in control. And if being in control means that you can change your emotion from a negative to a positive, wouldn’t you want that responsibility?

2. Looking at things objectively and searching for the lesson

Taking yourself out of an upsetting situation and seeing the problem objectively makes you realise something; life is bigger than this. Whatever problem you have compared to the rest of the world, universe, even the galaxy, its insignificant. This isn’t to say that it is unimportant, because if it’s important to you then it is important. But how important? Is this situation ruining your evening, your week, or your life? Just the attempt to detach yourself from the situation will allow your mind to release a little from the emotions attached, and you will notice you are able to mould your feeling more easily.

This may also help you see the situation for what it is; a lesson. Once you are able to see what needs to be learnt, it becomes easier to move on.

3. Grounding

When we feel caught up in a situation it is easy to drift up into your mind, playing out different scenarios or wondering ‘what if?’, and when this happens it is important to get grounded. This can be done simply by walking on soil or grass barefoot. This has been scientifically proven to relieve stress, increase antioxidants, improve sleep, and generally have a great impression on our mental health. There are various ways you can mix this up. For example, on a sunny day I like to practice yoga in the park. However, please don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, you will be surprised what a couple of deep breaths in nature will do!

Read about the health benefits of grounding here - http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-9099/the-surprising-health-benefits-of-going-barefoot.html

Read about the health benefits of grounding here - http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-9099/the-surprising-health-benefits-of-going-barefoot.html

4. Gratitude

All self-help books and blogs will advise you to create a gratitude journal, and to be honest; I ignored it for a long time. I imagined it was equally as effective to think my daily gratitude’s. It wasn’t until I started physically writing down what I was thankful for every single day that I noticed an active difference in my attitude. The act of being thankful for the little things makes you notice the constant positivity in life, which helps to ease the painful situations when they come around.

“If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain” – Dolly Parton

Life is difficult, and it tests us. I see it as a long string of lessons, which we learn and grow through.  There is no end goal, or anything to prove. But if we can stay mindful, authentic and true to ourselves through this process the rain doesn’t have to hurt too much, right? 


Learning to accept change

From my experiences this week, I feel compelled to write about change. Nature changes freely and constantly around us, yet I don't think I will find one person that will say that personal change is easy. We like to cling onto happiness, and sometimes subconsciously fear, because it feels comfortable.

But what is comfort? Is comfort following the latest trend on social media or in politics, or disregarding your own thoughts and integrity because of what other people may think or judge you for, routine, or just pure fear of moving forward? And if you are not fulfilling your dreams whole-heartedly, even if you are comfortable, does that mean you’re really happy? Therefore, why should the idea of change terrify us?

I have had recent conversations with friends who say they feel stuck where they are. Whether it’s a job, a lack of passion, life direction or the environment they live in, it all stems down to one thing, fear. Most of the time this fear is subconscious, and we wont know about it, so we need to let go.

A very common problem I have come across is the ability to over think things. Why do I live like this? What’s wrong with me? Why haven't I succeeded in all my goals? Why do I act this way? No wonder we get stuck in situations, when there is so much going on it our heads! We need to make room for the good change to come by letting go of old ways, and old habits that haven't served us well.

TIP- Sit down with a pen and paper and write, just to see what comes out. You might surprise yourself with how you feel, and I guarantee you will experience a weight lifted. The act of writing something down or saying it out loud starts the process of removing the clutter from our brains, and sometimes gives us new realisations as to why it is we feel stuck.

People who say ‘everything happens for a reason’ sometimes get slated for saying this, as it can be seen as Hippy-Dippy and New Age, but I for one live by it.

In November of 2014 I experienced the most painful situation I had yet personally come across. If I had been told this situation would arise before it happened, I would have foreseen a nervous breakdown, but my ability to handle the life changing decisions and suffering they brought showed me something.

This change had forced me out of an on going dead end relationship that I had been justifying to myself for years, and shown me my strength and self worth. Not only this, but I was able to see who my true friends were, and to treat everything mindfully despite the drastic change in lifestyle, to avoid a breakdown. It forced my whole structure and way of living to crumble, but following this I have built a new structure that is much more suited to the person I want to be, and I feel more supported than ever. Now, I can look back on my situation with love and gratitude for what it has made me realise, that everything, no matter how terrible, happens for a reason.

“Be the change that you want to see in the world” - Mahatma Gandhi

We can spend hours contemplating the subject of change, imagining what it would be like to live somewhere else, be in the perfect relationship, to become happier, but the fact is its all up to us. I always thought this quote from Gandhi applied to the bigger things in life, probably because of what Gandhi has done for the world, and the mark he has left. But looking after you is equally as important as helping thousands of people, and the only answer to getting unstuck is to make the change happen yourself.

So next time you catch yourself complaining about the situation you are in, ask yourself ‘what have I actively done to change this?’, and if the answer is nothing, get to it! Being stuck in an unwanted situation makes life stale, and why feel stale when you could feel empowered?

So take a leap, you only have yourself to blame if you don’t.



Finding happiness and learning to love yourself

As my music and my work reflects and promotes self love, I wanted to address an issue that has been coming up for me and people around me recently: how to deal with situations and to start knowing yourself. It may sound a bit cheesy but in a world, and country where people constantly runaway from their problems, whether it be drink, drugs, or even Netflix, it is hard to answer the question ‘what really makes you happy?’

How many times have you felt disappointed, angry, frustrated or anxious because things didn’t turn out the way that you had hoped? And how many times has that made you collapse into depression or sit on the sofa for days watching mind numbing programmes to distract yourself from pain? I can certainly say that I have taken part in all these feelings and coping mechanisms. But what if we changed our coping mechanisms, so that we weren’t running away? What if we knew ourselves so well we could revitalise our soul in a second after feeling sad? Wouldn’t it then be easier to move on?

Below are a few things that I have discovered that make me happy, and have fitted into my routine.

Swimming in the sea! It wakes me up, connects me with nature and gives me some exercise in the morning :D

Swimming in the sea! It wakes me up, connects me with nature and gives me some exercise in the morning :D

Keeping healthy and looking after the planet! Exercise and health above all are the most important things - got to keep the body happy! And using what you already have, to help towards saving our environment.

Keeping healthy and looking after the planet! Exercise and health above all are the most important things - got to keep the body happy! And using what you already have, to help towards saving our environment.

Singing and songwriting helps me to release any tension or bad feeling I have through creativity :)

Singing and songwriting helps me to release any tension or bad feeling I have through creativity :)

Helping other people ! Whether its to a charity, or just giving a friend one of your carrot sticks at lunch time - every little helps :)

Helping other people ! Whether its to a charity, or just giving a friend one of your carrot sticks at lunch time - every little helps :)

This quote has always stuck with me: "Whatever You Resist Persists" - Carl Jung

Most of the time, the reason we feel upset is because we put so much energy into that situation and it didn’t turn out the way we had planned. A lesson I had to learn the hard way is that we cannot control anything, but ourselves. So why do we focus so much energy on moulding situations to how we want them, trying to change people or fighting against things that we don’t want when all this is showing us is that we are desperate to be in control of ourselves.

I, like a lot of you I am sure, took part in a relationship where I gave more than other person. When it inevitably ended I was broken, and took it very personally. I wondered what was wrong with me and why it didn’t work out, I lost myself and my direction for over two years. Then I realised because I had used up all of my energy on this person I had none left for myself. I had no idea what I wanted or who I was, and that’s what started me on my journey.

The truth is – we are all perfect. The only battle we really have is with ourselves; the only hatred that we really have is with ourselves. Next time you bad mouth yourself, imagine you are talking to another person, it will shock you, I promise, and hopefully will make you think about speaking with kindness. Learning to love you in the world that we live in, with so much fear being thrown around so freely, is difficult. That why I suggest asking yourself – what really makes me happy? And put these things in your daily routine so that you can feel more like yourself, and you can learn who you are, you will love it, and people will love you for it. 

I'll leave you with a bit of advice from our beloved Bowie <3 

Impromptu Music Video Release

Hey guys ! 

Below is a visual that I just released for my song 'Better'. The visual was made for the show late April and projected on a huge piece of black material and hung above my head ! The dance moves signify growth, which is the meaning of the whole EP.

The visuals were done by Laura Brown and the dancing by Amy Nicholls. Thank you to those two beauties and to all the helpers that helped with the set up for this video, you know who you are - lying on the floor for hours turning a turn table! haha. Well look how beautiful it turned out ! I AM EVER SO GRATEFUL. <3  Here it is ! Enjoy :)

Just incase you weren't aware - this song is about learning lessons, experiencing life and becoming better.

You can buy the whole EP here, where all the money goes to Mental Health Foundation - http://www.igiveyougive.org/Gift/35/luami/better

Big Love and happy listening <3

Ascension Through a Gold Pyramid

It is my huge pleasure to announce that I have partnered with Sound and Space - the creator of which is Petra Jean Phillipson. Sound and Space use sound healing as an alternative to drugs for relieving anxiety and stress.

I cant tell you how much sound and space has helped me. I met Petra approximately a year ago, and my sessions with her kickstarted me on my process of self realisation, through which I overcame self disrespect, learnt to accept myself and started on my mission to spread this message of love to others. In my belief, there is never any need for drugs, we all have the strength in us to cure ourselves ! 

I would like to invite you all along to an event Sound and Space are doing in London for the Wandsworth Fringe Festival. The whole event takes place in a super comfy gold pyramid ! What more could you want !? Here is the link to book tickets and read more about the event on the 21st of May - http://wandsworthfringe.com/2016/event/ascension

Here is their website to find out information on other pop ups or to read about previous work from the amazing Petra - http://soundandspace.co.uk/

Launching 'Better' EP with Added Sustainable Fashion Show

Last Saturday was the launch of my new EP 'Better'. I decided to not only have a gig where I play my songs, but to present the vision that had been inside my head for years. I combined and connected music with fashion and the environment.

As Pippa rightly says - 'It took £2500, four sustainable fashion designers, seven models, a make up artist, a garden designer, two sound guys, a lighting designer, a whole filming crew and a team of over 30 volunteers helping with decorating, marketing, PR, stewarding and growing turf for a catwalk to launch this EP.' www.pippasays.com

Above is a picture taken by the amazing Malcolm Tam, of me performing a cover of 'Let me Entertain You' before playing the EP. The turf is real, I cut it in half myself ! And just to make sure there was no waste from the event, and because helping makes me happy - the pompoms went to a photographer for a shoot and the turf to a children's playground afterwards.

Gung Ho's debut collection to my song 'Precious Love' also taken by Malcolm Tam.

Song 'Rise' to Rhiannon Hunt's collection. I love the watery effect ! 

Mimzy Design used recycled fabric and unwanted vintage trimmings to make this beautiful collection ! And I am singing my song 'Loveliness' with my triangle in the background there :D

This is Amy Ward's collection to the title song from my EP 'Better'. She also designed my jumpsuit full of POMPOMS !! 

Honestly, this event was better than I had ever imagined. Everything you can see and more was there and it all came from inside my brain! That feeling is incredible. I have so many people to thank - so this is a picture of a programme with all the names on it ! 

I believe that change happens from the inside out and by healing ourselves, we can communally work together to give more care to our environment. Fashion is the number 2 most damaging industry for our world (watch 'The True Cost' documentary for detailed info on this) and all we need to do is limit the amount that we buy. We don't need 1000 pairs of jeans, or scarves or tops ..we need to buy things that last and keep them.

This event was about learning to be aware - of how you see yourself, how you make yourself feel, knowing yourself. Also whats in the food you put in your body, in the body products you put on your skin, and in the clothes that go on your skin, who makes them ? Where do they come from ? Ask questions like this to make sure you are treating yourselves the best possible way that you can because your worth it!

I am donating all the money made from my EP 'Better' to Mental Health Foundation. Read about why, find out the song meanings and donate here - http://igiveyougive.org/Gift/35/luami/better

If you want to have a cheeky listen - https://soundcloud.com/luami/sets/better-ep

Love and peas up to ya knees ! X

I - like you am learning to love myself and my individuality every day. Here is one of the videos that has inspired me recently.. also I love her clothes and the way she says 'mirror' haha


So sorry about the lack of updates - organising a full on fashion show and EP launch seems to take up a lot of time.. who knew ! haha.

Before I started planning 'Better' I had no idea of the realities my mind and efforts could create with a little trust and perseverance. Now we are sitting in April and I have (to name a few) a belt full of new knowledge in; PR and marketing, photography and filming, garden design, environmental and worldly change, events management, sustainable fashion, art decor, different work styles and time management, but mainly as always naturally occurs - self realisation and development.&nbsp; One of the wonders of working alone is that you only have yourself to ask questions like 'why did that go wrong, and how can I change it?' Finding the answers to anything is hard but the main thing I have learnt through this process is that we are all amazing, we are all capable and we all have the answers. We just need the space to realise. We are all enough, we are all warriors.  My EP 'Better' is about self growth. Buy a CD at the @thebetterproject2016 - tickets here:&nbsp;  https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/better-tickets-23404414233…   Digital Release - SOON.   ‪#‎selfbelief‬ &nbsp; ‪#‎selflove‬ &nbsp; ‪#‎selfgrowth‬ &nbsp; ‪#‎love‬ &nbsp; ‪#‎selfie‬ &nbsp; ‪#‎iamenough‬ &nbsp; ‪#‎warrior‬

Before I started planning 'Better' I had no idea of the realities my mind and efforts could create with a little trust and perseverance. Now we are sitting in April and I have (to name a few) a belt full of new knowledge in; PR and marketing, photography and filming, garden design, environmental and worldly change, events management, sustainable fashion, art decor, different work styles and time management, but mainly as always naturally occurs - self realisation and development. 
One of the wonders of working alone is that you only have yourself to ask questions like 'why did that go wrong, and how can I change it?' Finding the answers to anything is hard but the main thing I have learnt through this process is that we are all amazing, we are all capable and we all have the answers. We just need the space to realise. We are all enough, we are all warriors.

My EP 'Better' is about self growth. Buy a CD at the @thebetterproject2016 - tickets here: 

Digital Release - SOON.

‪#‎selfbelief‬ ‪#‎selflove‬ ‪#‎selfgrowth‬ ‪#‎love‬ ‪#‎selfie‬ ‪#‎iamenough‬ ‪#‎warrior‬

Introducing.. Dugong John ♥

Please meet John Biggs, who goes by the artist name of Dugong John. He is a graphic designer and illustrator and is currently designing the poster for our event! 

He is selling graphic prints for £15 on the kick starter, get yours and find out more about the event here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/460299138/the-better-project/posts/1511811

(You can also do this on the page entitled 'The Better Project' above on this website)

Check out Johns blog here: http://dugongjohn.tumblr.com/

Introducing..Rhiannon Hunt ♥

Morning Peeps ! 

This is Rhiannon Hunt, a sustainable fashion designer from London. She experiments with natural dyes and 3d printing in her innovative fashion designs. See below !


Find out more about Rhiannon Hunt here: www.rhiannonhunt.com

RH 8.jpg

Introducing..Yo ♥

Hey Guys ! 

Here I am as promised with another amazing artist for you. Yo has set up her own brand of hair products called 'LoveYOHair' made from all natural products, so as well as being incredibly nurturing for your hair, but for your skin and drains as well ! Lovelayyy.

Yo styled my hair for my antlers and lake photo shoot (in previous post) with Steve Glashier, and does hair styling for all sorts of models for all sorts of shoots. 

How we met was actually a little bit crazy.. someone I work with's sister gets her hair cut by her, and we were just looking through instagram and I think his exact words were - "You would love this girl, she' as crazy as you are!' By that Im sure he meant extravagant, unique and cooool.. 

So I arranged a meeting and it turns out she's friends with loads of people in the show, and has worked closely with one of the fashion designers! Anyway - we talked for hours about our projects, creativity and sustainability. I can safely say she's a good, nay great egg.

Heres some of her work ! 

To find out more or to donate towards the better project - click on 'The Better Project' and then onto 'donate'